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From Trudging to Skipping

You know how toddlers stumble around on their chunky legs and sway when they walk, as if gravity is just begging them to tumble down?
Well, I can find no better way than that to describe how the past several months of my life have been going. 1) Because I feel as if I've been plodding around aimlessly for quite some time. And 2) because I've gained twenty pounds since freshman year. Wanna talk about chunky legs? They're cute on toddlers, but that's usually where 'aww' factor ends.
This isn't to say that life has handed me nothing but hardships in this dry period of time. I am very blessed with the multitude of opportunities I've been given, and the frankly comfortable lifestyle I am able to live. But more and more, the high moments just haven't been satisfying, and the low moments have been drawn out to last for days...even weeks.
I find myself trudging through life. Maybe it's because I'm twenty pounds heavier. Maybe it's because I didn't accomplish some goals that I wish I would have. Maybe it's because I miss my sister and her constant physical presence in my life. Maybe it's because I've been wearing myself down with schoolwork, activities, and other commitments.
Yes, maybe it's all of these things rolled up into one big ball of.. ugh. But I think I've come to the realization that it's something else entirely.
I haven't been holding onto a certain special Someone's hand lately. I become discouraged, so I don't bother praying. I spend late nights rehearsing or doing homework, so I don't make the time to read His Word.
I'm trying to shoulder this life all on my own, when my back was never meant to carry all of that weight.
For the past week, though, I made a decision: to prioritize at least fifteen minutes at the start of my day to reach out. I was admittedly skeptical and  afraid of it at first. What if I didn't hear anything from God? What if I read a few verses and I still felt just as unmotivated as when I started?
However, I am happy to report that for the first time in months, I went to bed on Saturday night reflective about what a fruitful week I had. And I was excited, more than I had been in months, to go to church that next day to worship and learn.

See, when I was trudging along on my own, every crack in the path brought me to a halt. My feet dragged, and it took so much of me to just take that next step, even if it was a small one. I felt extremely slow, merely watching everyone else around me, stuck in a rut of comparison.

But the second I took God's hand again, my entire perspective changed.

Instead of trudging, I was skipping. The things that has once so easily bothered me were so easy to leap over. I was looking straight forward onto my path, delighted in what I could see ahead. He twirled me and lifted me and gave me wings I never knew that I had. Suddenly, walking through life became fun. I was able to lift my eyes and see the beauty in the journey again.

Even if I still have such along way to go. Even if I am hugely imperfect. And yes, even if I am twenty pounds heavier. This is the lightest I've felt in a long time. And I don't plan on letting go anytime soon.


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