It's been nearly a year since I posted anything. If that doesn't give you any indication of the absolute whirlwind that was my senior year in high school, I don't know what else could. I've been graduated for a total of five days now, and while I don't feel all that different yet, after my graduation party on Sunday, and after going through gifts on Monday, I had a huge epiphany... and I mean, huge.
(Just a disclaimer, this is not going to be a standard post about a new chapter in life or all the things I learned in high school, because I have nothing long and profound to say other than 1) don't procrastinate and 2) make time for yourself. See? Simple.)
I try to be intentional with everything that I do. I don't enjoy allowing myself to fall into the rut of just going through the motions without being attentive to what I'm doing. I'm definitely not an expert at this, but a mindfulness lesson during AP Literature class and a reading of The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence has hopefully started me in the right direction.
It's easy, though, to forget how your day-to-day life fits into the life of someone else, for better or for worse. We can be so wrapped up in ourselves that we go tunnel-vision in order to focus on our needs, while keeping our interactions with others to the periphery. If that.
At my graduation party, I had a standard card table for people to leave gifts, but I also had a place for people to write down their favorite memory with me (this is not an original idea so don't praise me for being clever). I didn't expect a ton of memories, since the house was pretty busy and Grandma McIlwain's legendary punch seemed to be calling everyone's name. But at the end of the night, I did muster up enough energy to look through the pile of memories that had been left, and I whispered to myself, "Wow... people remember stuff."
People remember stuff.
Not the most eloquent choice of words, but the weight that came with the realization was certainly heavy.
Someone put down a memory from fifth grade. And when I was going through cards on Monday night, I read a small re-telling of an encounter that happened during my freshman year. I was happy knowing that going about my life as usual happened to leave a positive impact on someone else very dear to me. I felt a tinge of regret, though, as I looked back on some memories and thought about what could have been. Or I cringed, knowing that I had completely forgotten about something that could have meant a lot to someone else.
We remember stuff. The people in your life remember what you say and what you do. And every moment in your life has ample opportunity to be fondly remembered ... or bitterly recalled. I lied in my bed that night smiling because the memories were great! But had I been intentional about my interactions? Had I thoughtfully considered how my encounters were affecting someone else? Sometimes. But most times, I probably wasn't.
And ever since that night, I knew for a fact that I wasn't going to live that way any more if I had any say in the matter. I want to be a person who prayerfully goes about my day, being mindful about how my actions and words affect someone else. I want to be a person who can consider something in a viewpoint other than my own, and who can be sensitive to what someone else needs.
Every interaction matters. Every encounter has meaning. I am grateful for the many good memories and kind words that were shared with me on Sunday. But this next time around, I want to do things differently. I have four years at Mizzou ahead of me, after all. New people to meet. New things to experience. And new memories to make.
May they all be memories that sprout from intentional pursuits. And may they all (pretty please) be filled with just as much authenticity and love as the memories I've already been able to treasure.
(Just a disclaimer, this is not going to be a standard post about a new chapter in life or all the things I learned in high school, because I have nothing long and profound to say other than 1) don't procrastinate and 2) make time for yourself. See? Simple.)
I try to be intentional with everything that I do. I don't enjoy allowing myself to fall into the rut of just going through the motions without being attentive to what I'm doing. I'm definitely not an expert at this, but a mindfulness lesson during AP Literature class and a reading of The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence has hopefully started me in the right direction.
It's easy, though, to forget how your day-to-day life fits into the life of someone else, for better or for worse. We can be so wrapped up in ourselves that we go tunnel-vision in order to focus on our needs, while keeping our interactions with others to the periphery. If that.
At my graduation party, I had a standard card table for people to leave gifts, but I also had a place for people to write down their favorite memory with me (this is not an original idea so don't praise me for being clever). I didn't expect a ton of memories, since the house was pretty busy and Grandma McIlwain's legendary punch seemed to be calling everyone's name. But at the end of the night, I did muster up enough energy to look through the pile of memories that had been left, and I whispered to myself, "Wow... people remember stuff."People remember stuff.
Not the most eloquent choice of words, but the weight that came with the realization was certainly heavy.
Someone put down a memory from fifth grade. And when I was going through cards on Monday night, I read a small re-telling of an encounter that happened during my freshman year. I was happy knowing that going about my life as usual happened to leave a positive impact on someone else very dear to me. I felt a tinge of regret, though, as I looked back on some memories and thought about what could have been. Or I cringed, knowing that I had completely forgotten about something that could have meant a lot to someone else.
We remember stuff. The people in your life remember what you say and what you do. And every moment in your life has ample opportunity to be fondly remembered ... or bitterly recalled. I lied in my bed that night smiling because the memories were great! But had I been intentional about my interactions? Had I thoughtfully considered how my encounters were affecting someone else? Sometimes. But most times, I probably wasn't.
And ever since that night, I knew for a fact that I wasn't going to live that way any more if I had any say in the matter. I want to be a person who prayerfully goes about my day, being mindful about how my actions and words affect someone else. I want to be a person who can consider something in a viewpoint other than my own, and who can be sensitive to what someone else needs.
Every interaction matters. Every encounter has meaning. I am grateful for the many good memories and kind words that were shared with me on Sunday. But this next time around, I want to do things differently. I have four years at Mizzou ahead of me, after all. New people to meet. New things to experience. And new memories to make.
May they all be memories that sprout from intentional pursuits. And may they all (pretty please) be filled with just as much authenticity and love as the memories I've already been able to treasure.
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