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Eternal Beauty

As a final hoo-rah before going back to school, and in celebration of a dear friend's birthday, I was able to spend a fun weekend in a family cabin upon the outskirts of a very small town (It didn't even have a Walmart. It was crazy!). The food was great, the laughs were ringing, and the smiles were plentiful. Honestly, before this, my break had been one in which I spent much time working on a few things for speech, doing some writing of my own, and spending memorable moments with my family. This tiny escape into a quiet - well, quiet before we arrived - cabin was a great way to let loose before the routine of school kicked back in again.

But it also ushered in a hurdle of insecurity that I'm still staring down, determined to completely clear  for good; outward beauty.

The birthday girl's mother ordered a classy backdrop, one that we could use to create our own silly photoshoot. Messing around with the cut-outs of tiaras and mustaches, we took picture after picture, all of us cringing to keep our smiles going until the timer finally took the shot, our eyelids straining to beat the flash and look as naturally happy as possible. Eventually, some of us started taking single shots of each other as if they were our senior pictures; and to be quite honest, the quality of the photos suggested that they were!

It was honestly breathtaking. Girl after girl, their pictures turned out beautifully. One after one we watched each other get her modeling session in and we marveled at the perfect angles, the wondrous use of different shadows and contrasts, the poses that brought out the beauty in each and every girl there. I was in awe. Man,  I have some gorgeous friends! And an amazing photographer just happens to be one of them!

Then...there was me. I stood against the backdrop as if I was walking up to the executioner's block, and I gazed into the camera lens warily, knowing that with just one shot...bam. It would be there, for all to see. My left eye, that when smiling, seems to crinkle up more than the other. My lips, that when not smiling, seems to hang heavy in a constant pout. The dark marks upon my face, showing acne present, past, and maybe even future.

As the girls looked through the pictures with me, they constantly reminded me of how beautiful I was, and it did lift my spirits a little. But even though a part of me hoped that with the next picture, I would fall in love with myself, it never really happened. I was unsatisfied. Beautiful? How could it be? Not with this imperfection, and that imperfection...the list went on and on.

Later, I talked to my sister about it, as I always do when I'm feeling low. She reminded me of the scripture's description of beauty - of the outward side of it being fleeting, and the inward side of it lasting for eternity. She said to me, "Katelynn, you are so gorgeous, and I could tell you this over and over to comfort you. But I won't. Because that's not what you need to hear right now. Do you know what I find beautiful? What God finds beautiful? The fact that you went out of your way to buy something for me while you were out shopping with your friends this weekend. That...that was so beautiful. And that's what you need to remember."

It was true; I saw a cute ear-warmer while we were shopping in one of the local shops and I bought it for her. I didn't think much of it I just...did it, I suppose. It would make her happy, and that's something I'd appreciate myself, especially since it's only a matter of time before she goes back to college.

It was then that I realized something. God created all of us beautifully, even if we can't see it yet. The appearances we have when we're born are unique in their own right and knowing that we're made in His likeness should comfort us. But we have the power to decide if our hearts and our personalities will reflect that same beauty. And this beauty is the one that will really last.

Don't let this way of thinking take away from how you feel about yourself outwardly. If you love the way you look, embrace it, because you should, and I honestly wish I could  easily do the same! But remember where your legacy will lie: in the content of your heart and how you show your heart to others.

I may never be a Victoria's Secret model, nor do I really wish to be. But I can grow and discipline myself towards
a heart that God finds beautiful, made in Jesus' likeness. All of us can. And this is what we should strive for.

Stay beautiful. Strive for beautiful.

Happy New Year!

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